I seem to be ‘thinking’ about lots of ‘stuff’ at the minute and I’m putting it all down to the unsettled feeling that I think is coming from the anticipation of K leaving home!
I am aware that this is exactly what I set out to achieve, by helping K learn, grow and develop into someone who can function effectively in society and is motivated to better herself and the world around her (she’s aiming for prison work/rehabilitation of offenders, that sort of thing) and I am immensely proud of all that she has achieved, she has worked incredibly hard and deserves to do well and be successful! I am sure that the distracting lights of Sheffield will open her eyes a little after living in the proctected bubble of Cheshire that she has grown up in but I know she is ready to spread her wings and find where she fits! This does not mean to say that I won’t miss her like crazy and that I will cry buckets when we pick up the keys to her halls of residence flat next month!
I will not be left in an empty nest and feel that, actually, this year may be as challenging as the previous few with H as we try to support him through college and ensure that he is having a positive experience in his post-16 studies (school was not easy for him but I need to check he’s happy for me to divulge before I give out more detail)!
So why, when I actually have an awful lot on my plate (I work full time as a Sister on a paediatric ward and need to develop my leadership skills instead of ‘running with the wolves’ as Mr W likes to put it) am I continually on the look out for a different opportunity? I have always had a social conscience and I am looking into mentoring/supporting roles that I feel my enhance my role in the workplace, provide a different avenue of work perhaps and, possibly, enable me to support my own son more effectively! I have seen a number of positions that interest me and have made a few enquiries but there is a little nag at the back of my head that says ‘what are you doing you crazy woman?? do you not have enough to do??
Am I trying to fill my time? Is this stemming from a need for distraction? Who knows?
I’m not sure where all this will lead and I’m aware this is a bit of a rambling post but it is a true reflection of how my head feels at the moment!
I thought I would just put a little update as to justify my prolonged absence and the changes that have/haven’t happened!
When I initially created ‘There would be no butterflies’ it was because I had just been told that I would be hurtling towards the menopause courtesy of, what I felt, was a very premature hysterectomy! However, I was offered a short course of high dose hormones which seems to have ‘sorted me out’ biologically speaking, and it appears like I’ll just amble towards that little delight instead…all things etc. So it was very much going to be about a physical change in my life!
Now, as always, I wasn’t really expecting the changes that have happened in our lives since and I am only just starting to get my head around some of the events that have occurred over the last 18 months to 2 years.
Some of the events are not my story to tell, some I need to discuss with the other people involved but I’m hoping to use this space to try to organise my thoughts, let off some steam and maybe even encourage some interaction with others who enjoy my blog, have similar experiences or can point me in the right direction!
Todays starting quote is completely me! I change my mind with the direction of the wind and am hoping this ‘writing malarkey’ will offer me both some grounding and allow me to discover the path I should be following!
I’ll keep you posted
So much has happened since I started this blog two years ago that I hardly know where to start!
I am a great ‘starter of things’ but seem to run out of steam/motivation quite quickly but I feel that I need to write to create some space if that makes sense?
Changes are afoot in our household my intention is to chronicle the affects this has on us all!
This snippet is a ‘watch this space’ notification for anyone who may be interested, if not, no worries but I’ll continue to write!
I thought I should shed a little light on why I chose ‘There would be no butterflies’ as my blog name!
This is blog is going to focus on The Change that is about to take place in my life ie The Menopause and hopefully more changes besides if my planning works out! I am not, expecting to become beautiful and fragile overnight, I’m more of a ‘Sturdy Bird’ (according to the Mr, and no, I haven’t forgiven him for that one) but I’d like to think my ‘change’ will be magnificent, why not aim high??
The butterfly bit seems more than appropriate, my Mum has always claimed that I’m like a butterfly, flitting about, moving quickly from one task to another, never quite settling and, due to this label a butterfly was my first tattoo so it feels like this saying was made for me!!
My week has involved lots of book buying, yoga, cookbooks and Lonely Planet guides (trip of a lifetime being planned with the Mr next year as he can retire…until he finishes I am not convinced he will) for South Africa (any suggestions more than welcome) and research into a natural menopause, a return to dog walking with the three hoons post – laparoscopy, yoga, yoga and a bit more yoga and planning, all ideas are in the early formation stage but it’s all incredibly excited…watch this space for more news)
Please feel free to leave me feedback…I’d love to hear from you 🙂
Until the next post
Love and Light
Having been off on annual leave and then poorly for three weeks every day has felt like a Sunday! The lead up to my laparoscopy (last Friday) was NOT well spent, I have invested my time more wisely since then!
Being a nurse (Paediatric Intensive Care) is an incredible job but it has its downfalls as I’m sure my colleagues will agree! You (or any member of your family/friends) can never have any “normal” illness. I became more than a little obsessed with my ‘condition’ and, with by the power of Google, diagnosed myself and was preparing for the worst! This had its own, understandable, consequences! I became wrapped up in myself, could think of nothing else, slept a lot and quite honestly was becoming consumed by being unwell…this is not a good place to be!! And I realise it makes me appear to be a bit of a drama queen.
I can honestly say that I feel like a tonne weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Yes, I am facing surgery, yes I will rapidly embark on ‘The Change’ and yes I realise that this is no easy undertaking, but I have a future, one on which I now have a much clearer perspective! And I intend on all the days I have left off (until Friday) being well spent, planning for myself, my family and who knows what lies ahead! All I can say is that I’m strangely excited and feeling very positive about using my recuperation ‘Sundays’ to become a better me!
Love and Light
(Image from @ChickenSoupSoul)
I’m not sure about anyone else but I am so excited to be re-launching my blogging activity! It’s been a while but with a new name and a different attitude I’m looking forward to what I can achieve and feeling positive about my writing!
I always thought hitting the big 4-0 was going to be life changing but I didn’t expect what happened at all. I was training for a half marathon, which was actually on the day of my 40th, when, six weeks before, I got injured and I can honestly say I have never been quite right since!
My body decided to give me a tough time of it, various non-specific, red herring ailments that, to cut a long story very short, have now all been attributed to the delightfully recurring Endometriosis. This ‘affliction’ has plagued me since I was 14 but now I’m going to have the last laugh as I’m cutting it off at its source!
So, ‘the big change’ is ahead of me, I’m preparing to go 0 to Menopause! ‘There would be no butterflies’ will catalogue my journey, examining how I prepare myself, my body, my family (so help them Lord) With the aim to entertain, inform and even possibly inspire anyone who takes the time to read it!
Thank you for taking the time
Love and Light