I seem to be ‘thinking’ about lots of ‘stuff’ at the minute and I’m putting it all down to the unsettled feeling that I think is coming from the anticipation of K leaving home!
I am aware that this is exactly what I set out to achieve, by helping K learn, grow and develop into someone who can function effectively in society and is motivated to better herself and the world around her (she’s aiming for prison work/rehabilitation of offenders, that sort of thing) and I am immensely proud of all that she has achieved, she has worked incredibly hard and deserves to do well and be successful! I am sure that the distracting lights of Sheffield will open her eyes a little after living in the proctected bubble of Cheshire that she has grown up in but I know she is ready to spread her wings and find where she fits! This does not mean to say that I won’t miss her like crazy and that I will cry buckets when we pick up the keys to her halls of residence flat next month!
I will not be left in an empty nest and feel that, actually, this year may be as challenging as the previous few with H as we try to support him through college and ensure that he is having a positive experience in his post-16 studies (school was not easy for him but I need to check he’s happy for me to divulge before I give out more detail)!
So why, when I actually have an awful lot on my plate (I work full time as a Sister on a paediatric ward and need to develop my leadership skills instead of ‘running with the wolves’ as Mr W likes to put it) am I continually on the look out for a different opportunity? I have always had a social conscience and I am looking into mentoring/supporting roles that I feel my enhance my role in the workplace, provide a different avenue of work perhaps and, possibly, enable me to support my own son more effectively! I have seen a number of positions that interest me and have made a few enquiries but there is a little nag at the back of my head that says ‘what are you doing you crazy woman?? do you not have enough to do??
Am I trying to fill my time? Is this stemming from a need for distraction? Who knows?
I’m not sure where all this will lead and I’m aware this is a bit of a rambling post but it is a true reflection of how my head feels at the moment!